Learning to Love Yourself

There’s a few reasons I don’t normally get personal in my blog posts. First, I tend to believe that people don’t read my blog to hear about my thoughts and dreams (perhaps I’m wrong?) I’m also a little rusty in the “dear diary” area, so I usually find it hard to put my thoughts into words. However, as I sit here in my local coffee shop during a snow storm, I have all of the time in the world to collect my thoughts and offer a little tidbit of what’s stirring around in this brain of mine.

For those of you who know me personally, and even for those of you who read my blog regularly, you know that I spend a lot of my time at the gym. It’s become a big part of my life, and has certainly aided in my personal growth in the last few years. There’s something really rewarding about giving a workout your all, and taking your body to it’s physical limits. I’ve learned a lot about my body, my abilities and my general resilience in the face of challenges. Admittedly, I got into Crossfit (and later weightlifting) through my boyfriend, Noah. He’s got a real passion for weightlifting, and he’s damn good at it. I couldn’t help but be inspired and wonder what I could accomplish if I put in the work. I workout about 5 to 6 times a week, with a focus on weightlifting for 3 of those days. I’m now able to lift more than ever before, adding more weight to those PR’s (personal records) consistently.

Through this fitness journey, I’ve had to learn to appreciate my own accomplishments, and to recognize how far I’ve come on a personal level. My body type doesn’t exactly scream wonder woman, even though I often feel like her after a good, tough workout. I inherited a tall, slender frame from my mother, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, I think people often assume they can say certain things to people who are thin, and not realize they’re hurtful. My entire life, I’ve had people tell me that I need to put on weight (i.e. “you should eat a burger or something”, “if you get any thinner, you’ll disappear”, “are you eating enough? I’m concerned.”) which, if you know me, is the most ridiculous thing. I’ve got a stronger appetite than most people I know, and I’m damn proud of it. I’ve always been taught to eat well, eat often, and stay active, so my eating habits have always been justified. In the last 6 months, I’ve gained about 20lbs, and every time I tell someone this they look at me like I have six heads. A good portion of that is muscle weight, which I’m extremely proud of, but it’s taken me some time to come to terms with the number on the scale. I may not look much different than I did before that 20lbs, but I can tell you that I’ve had to rebuy all of my favorite jeans in the next size up (sometimes 2 sizes up). This has probably been the most difficult part of my weight gaining journey, but I’m coming to terms with it. Strength is beauty, after all.

Maybe I’ll make a habit of throwing in some personal posts- it’s always a good idea to remind people that we’re all human, with our own insecurities and fears. Please remember to love yourself, and to appreciate your journey.

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